Entry 1 – “What did I do today?”

9:45 Woke up. 
10:00 Got dressed and ready, then decided it was weird to go alone. Went outside, came back in. Went outside. Came back in. Thought about how experiencing social anxieties can help me to understand what other people go through every day. Texted Renae about Natalie’s baby– NATALIE HAD HER BABY!! 
11:00 Ate some food. 
11:15 Looked up 20 ways to help parents of newborns, and a few breastfeeding tips that I found on Facebook ages ago. Started email to Natalie and her husband. Didn’t know what to say. 
11:30 Worked on Visiting Teaching paperwork.  
11:45 Went to get me some waffles.
12:45 Got back. Read some of this article on lds.org, called “You’re Not Messing Up God’s Plan For You:  https://www.lds.org/blog/youre-not-messing-up-gods-plan-for-you?cid=HP_WE_22-2-2017_dOCS_fBLOG_xLIDyL2-3_and it made me think of an old crush, so I checked Facebook to see if there were updates, looked at some of his pictures, and watched a woman cook an emu egg for 8 minutes. 
1:00 started with scripture study. remembered I haven’t registered for spring summer classes. Started registering. 
2:00 Watched Facebook videos. (The immediate gratification monkey is strong with this one.)    
2:45 REMEMBERED WHY I GOT ON FACEBOOK 45 minutes ago!! I was going to ask about good religion professors so I could finish registering for classes. facepalm* 
2:46 FINALLY made the post. Also realized that while I was on Facebook I had absent-mindedly eaten all of someone’s chips. Texted a roommate to see if they were hers and apologize. *Facepalm.* Texted two friends. Ate more chips. Literally, that’s all I did in these 15 minutes. This is not a log of how I use my time productively, this is a log of what I do when I WASTE time!!! 
I am having so many revelations about myself. 
3:00 back to work. Let’s weekly plan. 
But first I had to text back my mother. She said I’d missed an important birthday party today. Also realized that I’ve been home from my mission for almost exactly a year. Spent some time figuring out what day exactly. I’ll celebrate my year mark on Thursday. 
Renae came by and I got her a hammer and some nails and complained to her about how good I am at getting distracted and how much more aware of it I am becoming with these 15 minute logs. I don’t like this. I don’t like diagnosing what my problem is, because I don’t like admitting that I have a problem. I asked her if she has this problem, she doesn’t. It annoyed me, but it shouldn’t. I should find it comforting that I don’t have to be like this. 
3:15 Back to work. Weekly planning. 
Do I really have a problem, or is measuring my unused time creating more unused time?
Am I really this bad at this, or is my experiment flawed?
No. This is definitely helpful. I don’t like it, but it’s helpful.  
3:30 Bit of homework. Mostly making goals. 
4:00 Called Grandpa 
4:15 Called the Merciers, converts from my mission. 
4:30 Made up the couch for Karen to take a nap on. 
4:45 Coordinated dinner with family. 
5:00 Weekly planning 
5:45 Merciers called again. 
6:00 Dinner 
At dinner, told Dad about that essay I never wrote. Got suddenly embarrassed because I know it’s a big deal, and I care. 
9:00 Car ride back. Talked about everything that has been stressing me out. 
9:15 Mental breakdown 
10:00 Started working. Looked at information on accepting the scholarship they offered me a few months ago. The acceptance letter only has to be one page, and it’s not even hard. Just have to talk about myself.  
10:15 Looked at grades. Decided I’m doing good at school. 
10:30 Watched videos for class assignment – found a way to simplify it!! 
10:45 Visiting Teaching 
11:30 Worked on class assignment.
12:15 Some mindless Facebook. 
12:30 Got ready for bed. Asked myself why I was so dramatic today. I wonder if I’m not eating and exercising well enough and my health is effecting my mental state. 
1:15 Went to bed.  

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誰か教えて欲しいんだけど何もかもどうでも良くなってわざと自分を傷つけに行ったりないがしろにしたりする現象って何??一応 #鬱 #ADHD は診断済みでパーソナリティ障害の可能性高いて言われてる。



#イラスト #イラストAC #ストックイラスト #イラスト好きさんと繋がりたい #絵描きさんと繋がりたい #発達障害 #adhd #asd #自閉症 #マインドフルネス

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Goes upstairs to get laptop
Thinks of thing needs checking in attic
Goes into attic, checks
Goes to ground floor
Where laptop?
Back up to attic for laptop
Back to ground floor
Pulse 135bpm

I’m still coming to terms with #adhd

I tell myself that not everyone needs to know. But then I forget and blurt it out to everyone I meet. 🤦‍♂️

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I have my first #ADHD assessment today, and I'm super sick (respiratory infection). Still going though, across town in a taxi, fully masked, because if I cancel this I probably won't get another appointment for months, and I've already been waiting over a year. Sigh.

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